NEW CHAMPIONS OF ETERNIA by Jack C. Harris and Jeffrey Oh

New Champions of Eternia is a 1985 Masters of the Universe children’s book written by Jack C. Harris and illustrated by Jeffrey Oh. Here, after losing a battle, Skeletor and his minions appear to be destroyed, and four “new champions” are freed.

This book draws on Michael Halperin’s series bible in a surprising way, incorporating a backstory that the Filmation cartoon ignored: Evil-Lyn, Beast Man, and Tri-Klops as the crew on Queen Marlena’s spaceship (Biff Beastman!).

While it’s neat to see that idea dusted off, the execution here is horrendous. Even without the terrible anagrams, Skeletor’s plot is obvious, both to the child reader and the characters themselves (these latter do nothing about it). The villains inexplicably give away their scheme the instant they’ve earned the queen’s trust, and for no good reason. There’s no real climax, and the resolution is tacked-on and arbitrary – there’s just no purpose to any of it.

Oh’s art is mediocre. Only half the pages have backgrounds (and some pages look more finished than others), the figures are stiff, and Oh frequently has trouble with faces. The shaded coloring goes a long way toward bailing it out, though.

New Champions of Eternia gets points for implementing an obscure part of the mythos, but it just isn’t well done.

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EYE OF THE STORM (mini-comic, 1985)

Eye of the Storm is a 1985 Masters of the Universe mini-comic. No writer is credited; it was illustrated by Jim Mitchell and Tom Luth. Here, Skeletor builds a storm-creating machine and unleashes it on the Heroic Warriors.

Snout Spout is, hands down, the lamest He-Man character of all time, and in a world populated by the likes of Extendar (who here is playing sports in the sun in full plate armor), Mekaneck (the poor man’s Extendar), Man-E-Faces, and Stinkor, that’s no mean feat.

It should come as no surprise, then, that this story serves little purpose except to give Snout Spout his one day in the sun, and in a very obvious manner. Skeletor’s machine is pretty cool, yet it’s foiled easily enough by He-Man and Snout Spout – heck, the climax of the issue involves Webstor trying to shoot He-Man with a gun after the storm fizzles out (and the merits of Snout Spout spraying water while He-Man is absorbing lightning bolts with his sword are highly dubious).

The highlight here is the art. Mitchell isn’t much for backgrounds, but his characters generally look extremely good – especially the villains.

Based on this issue, Snout Spout does one thing well: fight fires pilot the Wind Raider. Heaven only knows why they didn’t give him an issue where Skeletor tries to set the palace on fire.

NOT RECOMMENDED  

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HE-MAN AND MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE by Grant, Davies, and Fryer

He-Man and Masters of the Universe (no, there’s no article) is a 1985 Masters of the Universe children’s book written by John Grant and illustrated by Robin Davies and George Fryer. In six short stories, He-Man encounters a stegosaurus, Queen Marlena contracts a deadly virus, Man-At-Arms leads a mining expedition, He-Man gets his Talon Fighter hijacked, alien refugees land on Eternia, and Skeletor travels back in time to recruit an ally.

All of that sounds quite a bit more interesting than most of it actually is. The shorter format works better for Grant, as there’s less need for the nonsense filler he tends to put in the other Ladybird He-Man books. However, it’s still plagued by Grant’s lazy, holey plotting that doesn’t respect the intelligence of his child audience.

To wit: in “Dragon from the Lost Valley,” a stegosaurus is apparently a ferocious dragon on Eternia (and what’s to keep it from coming back out of its valley, or Skeletor from going in after it?). In “Pinnacle of Peril,” why can’t Man-At-Arms just override the controls the instant he finds out the Talon Fighter’s been stolen? In “Warlord of Eternia,” Skeletor and Evil-Lyn go back in time and their magic doesn’t work because energy weapons haven’t been invented yet.

Even worse, Grant has little regard for the things that make He-Man He-Man (or perhaps more accurately, the things that don’t). He doesn’t know what color Panthor is, or Orko, for that matter. The characters are all telepathic, and He-Man shoots beams out of his sword, which also glows for danger and apparently has a built-in radio (which is particularly inexplicable given everyone’s telepathy). Castle Grayskull is used as headquarters for the Heroic Warriors. Zodac is one of Skeletor’s dull minions. I could go on; suffice it to say that these are all the sorts of things that readers of all ages may well find insulting.

That said, it’s not all a disaster here. Aside from the glaring stupidities in Grant’s writing, the stories are all more or less fundamentally sound, and work well enough. “Menace in the Marshes” actually has some atmosphere and suspense, although, in typical Grant fashion, He-Man reveals his secret identity to Mer-Man’s entire army. And how, exactly, they were going to go about mining in a marsh remains unclear. “Warlord of Eternia” is a neat idea, and one of the better entries here even though He-Man doesn’t appear. It’s nice to see Beast Man doing well for himself for a change.

Davies, who illustrated all the other Ladybird He-Man books, does about half of the illustrations here, and it’s more of the same, with his good colors, chubby Castle Grayskull, and character depictions ranging from adequate to terrible (just look at page 42; ugh). Of special note, the art design for Eternia’s past in “Warlord of Eternia” is well done. Fryer does the other half of the art; his work is less stylized than Davies’, but generally more competent.

What to say? The title of the book is dumb and it doesn’t get a great deal better from there. This is a mediocre collection at best.

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THE WARRIOR MACHINE! (mini-comic, 1985)

The Warrior Machine! is a 1985 Masters of the Universe mini-comic. No author is credited; it’s illustrated by Chris Carlson. Here, Hordak gets up to some Frankenstein business, using his lab to create Dragstor and Extandar.

For a kids’ merchandising device, the theme of power and temptation is pretty well done here (the moral on the last page jumps out to the twenty-first century reader as, perhaps, an allegory for performance enhancing drugs). There’s something of a grimmer tone at work, too: Dragstor starts out as, seemingly, an innocent peasant, and never gets turned back from being a mindless killing machine – that’s a little dark for He-Man (in fairness, there’s no reason why he couldn’t be an evil volunteer peasant, but it seems unlikely).

Where to even start with Extendar? Why does he walk around in full plate armor at all times? Why is he so eager to trust Hordak and be transformed into a bionic abomination? Why was his action figure made of plastic that was so darn breakable? Why is he named “Extendar” before he had any powers? (Maybe just insert the male enhancement joke of your choice here and let’s move on.)

Carlson’s art is perfectly adequate. His Fright Zone looks particularly good and the members of the Horde are nicely done, even if Hordak’s armbands appear and disappear, Prince Adam/He-Man’s face changes wildly from panel to panel, and his sword looks kind of funny.

The issues with Extendar (many of which can be laid at the feet of the Mattel designers rather than the anonymous author of this comic) don’t keep this one from being a solid mini-comic.

RECOMMENDED

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